Some of us have no gift for moderation. I’m not sure why, but I think it has to do with an inherent lack of optimism, at least, in my case. And where that came from, by stars or disposition or myriad schoolyard traumas, I have no idea. I admire those who can swim easily between extremes, steady and breathing, enjoying either the yes or the no. 

I do have a gift for going cold turkey, for which I am grateful. Abstinence from all indulgence really seems the easiest path–if there is no temptation, then there is no struggle. If there’s no struggle, then there is no heavy emotional messiness to haul up and carry around. I love anticipation, but not the end of things–the piece of chocolate cake, the holiday, the trip to Alaska/Europe/the Caribbean, the relationship, the phone call, the book. 

The end becomes so overwhelming, so all-encompassing, that it’s easiest, really, either never to begin, or to have a spare experience always waiting in the wings.

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